The Discard Phase: When a Narcissistic Parent Shuts You Out

Why does it happen, when does it happen and how do you survive the emotional aftermath?

If you've had the unfortunate experience of having a parent with narcissistic tendencies, you may have encountered a perplexing and painful stage known as the "discard phase." It can be incredibly bewildering and disheartening when a parent, who once believed showed genuine concern for you, inexplicably begins to ignore or distance themselves from you.

What is the cause of this phenomenon?

Parents with a tendency towards narcissism often experience periods where they elevate and shower you with affection, making you feel exceptionally cherished. However, at a later point, they may choose to emotionally detach themselves from you if your behaviour does not align precisely with their expectations or if you fail to prioritise their needs above all else. It's not about any mistakes you made. Individuals with narcissistic tendencies often struggle to recognise their children as independent individuals. They possess an expectation for their offspring to solely serve the purpose of enhancing their own self-esteem and providing them with constant attention.

When it occurs

The phase of discarding can occur at any stage of life. Certain parents with narcissistic tendencies may discard their children as early as toddlerhood, while others may do so during the teenage years or even when the child has reached adulthood. It often occurs following a phase where they display intense interest in you, making you feel incredibly valued and admired.

Strategies for Dealing with Difficult Situations

Experiencing the rejection of a parent can be deeply painful, leaving one feeling bewildered and vulnerable. One may find themselves questioning their actions and assuming personal responsibility. However, what truly matters is this:

- It's not your fault! This situation was not caused by any shortcomings or failures on your part. This action was a result of their personal challenges.

- Embrace the full range of your emotions, allowing yourself to experience sadness, anger, or any other feelings that may arise. Express yourself freely.

- Seek support from trusted friends or family members. Surround yourself with individuals who truly value your presence.

Engage in activities that bring you joy, such as sports, art, music, and more. Do not allow this setback to rob you of your joy.

It's important to always remember your inherent worth and the fact that you deserve love and care, regardless of whether your parent with a narcissistic personality can recognise it at the moment.

The process of being discarded can be incredibly difficult, but it's important to remember that it is a reflection of your parent's issues rather than any shortcomings on your part. By embracing the passage of time and immersing yourself in a supportive environment, you will undoubtedly overcome this challenge.