Revenge Is a Dish Best Not Served At All: Certainly Not to a Narcissistic Parent

The ultimate act of rebellion for children of narcissistic parents is to forge their own path to happiness and fulfilment. You might rediscover and develop more meaningful relationships, follow your passions, and establish your identity free of the narcissist's control and delusions. Discovering your own identity and embracing it is the ultimate form of revenge.

The greatest retribution, they say, is a life well-lived. Maybe no other phrase could be more accurate for anyone who had a narcissistic parent growing up. The most fulfilling experience can be breaking free from the pattern of a parent's selfishness and building the kind of loving family life they were unable to provide when you were growing up.

The pain, rage, and sense of never being enough are emotions I am all too familiar with from my own experience as the scapegoated daughter of a narcissistic mother. The incessant nitpicking, the absence of limits, and the rapid idealisation and rejection ensued from her erratic mood swings. I was trapped in the unhealthy dynamics my mother established because I sought her praise and validation for an extended period of time. On the other hand, I have come to understand that she was winning when I let her negative expectations and fabricated truths determine my value.

Optimal retaliation? Choosing my own life's work and focusing my efforts where they will do the most good - in the company of supportive individuals and relationships based on mutual understanding, kindness, and encouragement rather than deceit and manipulation. Having a family of my own and providing them with the safe, loving mother I so desperately wanted. Developing my interests, goals, and sense of self away from her manipulation and egotistical fantasies.

As you might expect, recovering from years of emotional abuse and neglect is no walk in the park. Recognising the patterns of narcissistic abuse and reestablishing my identity requires years of therapy. Reconnecting with my surrogate family, my friends, who accept me as I am and practising extreme self-compassion will help me overcome the critical inner voice.

Regardless, I know I've won because I wake up grateful for the life I've created despite her constraints. By embracing my children and showering them with the tender love that she withheld from me, I can distance myself from her harmful impact. Reclaiming the aspects of myself that a narcissistic parent cannot touch is what I strive for with every personal passion project, academic achievement, self-care routine, and moment of inner contentment.

No amount of suffering can ever satisfy a narcissist; their inability to empathise and fear of being unimportant keep them chained to a never-ending cycle of anger. She's the true revenge seeker after all. It's about overcoming adversity, discovering your value, and welcoming the love, beauty, and light that surrounds you. It's about breaking free from the victim mentality and becoming your true self rather than remaining a victim forever.

She may be led by her narcissistic fantasies for the rest of her life, but I choose to live my life to the fullest, experiencing all the beauty and connection that she misses out on. Even if she doesn't care about me, I am free and finding fulfilment with every milestone, and that is the best kind of rebellion.