Letting Go Of the Burden Of Being the Scapegoat

Being my narcissistic mother's chosen scapegoat was too much for me to bear. It made her feel good about herself, but it broke my sense of self-worth and identity. I'm finally free now that I've let go of that fake identity and defined myself in a way that makes me feel good.

Because my narcissistic mother made me the "scapegoat" in her story, I had to carry that weight for years. She constantly criticised, disapproved of, and blamed me, which hurt me and my sense of self-worth. By always making me the "bad daughter," she seemed to put herself above me as the sufferer and good mother.

However, being the scapegoat kept me locked up in a mental prison of shame, self-doubt, and hatred for myself. I believed her skewed ideas about me and told myself that I deserved the verbal beatings, anger, and conditional love/rejection. My self-esteem was always low because I was always trying to get praise that I never got.

Being her scapegoat may have helped her in some sick way, but it didn't help me. It has taken me years of therapy, self-work, and building a life outside of her poisonous circle for me to realise this life-changing truth. Not at all. On the contrary, it hurt my sense of self, my confidence, and my ability to love and be loved.

As I still work to heal, I am slowly learning to let go of the scapegoat role she put on me. As painful as it was to realise I had been mentally and psychologically abused, it was also very freeing. I could finally figure out who I was, what I stood for, and what my beliefs were without her harsh criticism and brainwashing messages.

Can you say that she's narcissistic? Yes. Could she ever see her children for who they truly are? Not at all. Her illness doesn't make her abuse okay, but knowing about it helped me separate her skewed view of me from who I really am.

As I work to re-parent my hurt inner child, I will finally be able to let go of the heavy soul weight of being the victim. I'm not the "defective, useless burden" she always thought I was. Being human means I deserve love, acceptance, and respect, not because I deserve them by being perfect.

Letting go of the role of victim let light, joy, and self-compassion flood into the healing parts of me. Being her punch bag may have helped her ego for a short time, but it deprived my soul for too long. I'm writing my story again in a way that makes me feel stronger. We no longer need a victim.